We’re going to explore how Emotional intelligence affects your perception of events and influences your perspective of the world around you.
Also I will share with you some not so well known techniques that you can use to change your focus, change your frame and help you be much more emotional intelligence and as a result more persuasive.
You know, from previous writings that in order to be more emotionally intelligent, first you need to be able to identify your own emotions before interacting with another person.
I’m sure from time to time,you’re experienced a person who tries to hit your buttons, to aggravate you and even make you angry on purpose.
As a manager in your professional life or in your personal life, when dealing with people, we need to learn that perception has a lot to do with controlling our emotions and being more emotional intelligence.
Allowing others to “hit your buttons” is counter productive and doesn’t help you move forward.
As an example, Let me ask you this. How do we human beings experience time?
Imagine something like this, you’re sitting in a rowboat and you’re rowing. What’s coming up in the future is behind us because we don’t know exactly what the future.
We know what we hope for. You might know what your goals and plans are. But what you’re looking at the entire time in the past.
However, not everyone perceives time this same way.
Therefore, the point is people’s perceptions are different. Much of your perceptions are based on your past experiences. So you can see from this example this is just one possible perception of time.
Another classic example is imagine a speeding red sports car swerving behind an ambulance that nearly hits your car. How do you feel about that driver?
Now imagine, you just discovered he´s following the ambulance because his wife is in the back about to die. Now how do you feel about the driver of that red sports car?
Get the idea?
Now Ask yourself these important questions: Before into a unproductive argument.
Is it really important to change the other person’s opinion?
Or do you just want to be heard and feel important?
Can you successfully change their opinion by coming down to their emotional level?
Would it be possible to change their point of view by arguing with them?
Would insisting on arguing actually improve the overall situation?
Would the other person actually listen? Most cases not really.
Take a moment and think about the previous questions
Now who’s a bigger fool?
Or the person who argues with a fool?
Again, take a moment “think” about these questions.
So the next time somebody tries to goad (push) you into an argument or tries to egg you on and hit your buttons, stop, breath and remember these questions.
Oftentimes, you’ll find people trying to get you into unproductive arguments.
Don’t argue with them, it won´t benefit you to lower yourself to the chimpanzee level.
You don’t need to appear to be right.
What you want is to influence the other person and that you’ll rarely succeed by arguing.
This practice offers multiple levels benefit. Not just Emotional intelligence.
You know, if you don’t let yourself fall into their emotional trap, you’ll sort of short circuit the mental game of nonsense.
Most people won’t know how to react to your lack of arguing.
So apply emotional intelligence, just step back emotionally from the situation, be objective, use strategic empathy and try to figure out what is the best method to confront this situation.
The critical ingredient here is to learn to give up your need to be right. It’s actually a “weakness”.
The name of the game is persuasion and influence. To move the other person in the desired direction.
It’s not so important about your ego being right. Or feeling you need to prove that I am right. I know that it is an easy trap to fall into.
What it is that we need to do is focus on winning the war, not the battle. Look at the big picture. And don’t worry about these small petty things that people want to argue over.
Let them “feel heard”, let “feel important” and recognise their perspective but that doesn’t mean you agree with them or surrender every demand.
I am teaching you hardcore persuasion and influence tools that work. If you’ve got the self-control and confidence of a leader or influencer.
The best way to start to learn these techniques is by practicing in non-critical situations to get the flavour of this technique and the swing of it.
We offer technical training for this technique. Contact us
Typically when people try to engage me in an argument. I stop myself from the “need to be right” and win the argument covertly.
I normally say something like “I might feel the same if I were in your situation”.
I understand completely where you’re coming from and…
Often after that, I can see in their eyes that their brain is a little bit sizzled. They don’t seem to know how to react.
Once I identify this nonverbal sign, now I can start the process of influence and that’s it, simply?
I can’t think of time that it hasn’t worked. So long as I keep my emotions out of the interaction.
Particularly, in southern Europe where I lived for some time. People just love to argue, sometimes be nasty. It’s almost like a sport, a pastime or something.
So anyway, try this technique. I’d like to know how it works for you.
It will help you a lot in your day to day life, with those nasty coworkers and personal life.
I’d Love to hear your comments. Let me know your experiences, what happens. If you’ve questions feel free to drop me a line.
People really like to be recognised and heard. In my training I teach more advanced techniques to implement while in this process.