As a communication coach and speaker – I like to think I have a very well developed understanding of how to read people and communicate more effectively. But it was not always this way.
In fact, as a child and teenager I was quite insecure and a bit of an outsider. I saw other people succeed and handle challenges with such ease – I couldn’t understand why it came so easily to them.
This kick-started a personal journey that started at the age of 19 – call it self-improvement and development.
I absorbed the trainings, techniques and strategies of master communicators like Tony Robbins, Brian Tracy, Tim Sandler, Les Brown, Wayne Dyer, Richard Bandler and a bunch of others etc. And then I applied them to my own life.
Many didn’t work. Some were overly complicated.
But as I started to understand what worked for me, and refined some of the principles, I started to see the results.
I went from being bullied in school to an awkward insecure teenager afraid of his own shadow to someone who can persuade and influence powerful C-level executives and industry leaders for some of the largest corporations in Europe.
Being a communicator I can keep my client’s interest, build trust and develop rapport. I feel privileged to have the career and personal strength I do today – it really was a life-changer.
Once you unlock these skills you tend to wonder how you ever managed without them.
The sound of this word can either make you feel great or stricken you with fear depending on how the word is said.
The most important word in communication is:
Well – not specifically your name. Rather, the name of the person you’re talking to.
As Dale Carnegie said, “A person’s name is the sweetest sound to them”
And it is something I always try to remember. Granted, using the name of someone you are already close to
– that is important but not a game changer –
But using the name of someone you just met: It implies that you value them enough to remember their name. It will in turn open them up to connection and persuasion.
Being able to connect a face to a name will also help you to open up and remember individuals.
In workshops, where I often meet dozens of people in a short period of time, I always try to remember as many names as possible.
I don’t fight fire with fire.
Instead I listen, observe, empathize and communicate openly.
What I want to talk about today is not so much a tip – rather it is a cornerstone of successful communication.
If you want to deeply influence someone, you need to care about them.
If all your communication tricks are just that – a way to manipulate, you will get results. But-
The greatest success comes when you have empathy for others and want to make the world a better place. Many times I have faced people with very challenging personalities and attitudes.
A prime example was recently being asked to help a very talented individual in a big company. His talent was only matched by his anger. And being told to meet with me by HR – you can only imagine he was not in a good mood. He thought it was a waste of his time and he lashed out at me, before we had even formally begun the workshop.
Some of the others in the room where taken a back.
But I kept cool and tried to put myself in his shoes.
I matched his voice pattern and speech and began to slow my speech, tilt my head and use some hypnotic techniques (just so you’re aware, I don’t generally teach these as they can be misused).
He began to calm down and by the end he had taken a shine to me. The wild cat had been turned into a kitten. I’ve heard he’s doing a lot better.
And I believe it’s only possible because I truly cared about his anger and wanted him to feel better.
Now go and put some positive energy and empathy back into the world!