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How To Be Resilient: 12 Steps To Success When Life Gets Hard

Different people seem to have different ideas about what it takes to be resilient. After researching various articles and books on the topic, it appears that there is no one-size-fits-all answer.

At the heart of Resilience is your ability to bounce back when things don’t go as planned.

There are 12 key steps to success that successful people use to be resilient. People who are resilient share a clear vision, have goals, they are flexible, they learn from challenges and mistakes, pragmatic optimists, know to accept and move on, forgiveness, and gratitude, they are hopeful even when faced with adversity, they maintain perspective,  they are self-confident, they develop their strengths, they strong bonds with other people, they are able to find the good even within negative circumstances..

Set Goals: Successful people who are resilient have a clear vision. They set goals and are persistent.

Keep your eye on the ball and the future. Learning to set personal goals that match your beliefs and values will help you keep your eye on your goal.

At times we all mess-up and even if you don’t make a mistake someone else might or there are uncontrollable events and that set you back on your goals.

Stay flexible: in your approach, the tao ching talks about being like water.

If one strategy  doesn’t work, change your approach. Resilient people understand that situations change, and that goals and plans sometimes may need to be changed.

Learn from mistakes: Another step to success is that successful people learn from their mistakes, adapt and change their strategies when needed.

Self-confidence: Remember, resilient people are confident in their abilities and in themselves. They frequently know that eventually, despite the setbacks they will succeed.

The opposite are people who lack self-confidence or who suffer from low self-esteem. As a result, sometimes when these people do succeed, especially experience massive success, they will feel they don’t deserve it or that in some way they were just lucky and don’t deserve the success they’ve achieved. These people can suffer from what’s called the Impostor syndrome.

Sure occasionally some people might get lucky once and experience an enormous amount of success. But an “impostor” won’t be able re-created success again and again.

But the belief in yourself enables you to take risks.

However, without taking risks it’s almost impossible to enjoy any serious success.You must have the strength to keep pushing forward, and to take risks in order to achieve your goals.

Some people believe resilience is a collective effort. But from my experience it depends on the type of event, the individual and the enviroment.

Pragmatic Optimist: Pragmatic optimism is a combination of pragmatism and optimism, meaning that you’re optimistic about your future but also realistic about what you need to do to get there.

Acceptance and Move On: “Acceptance” is important psychologically and they even teach the concept “acceptance” in many of the major religions.

A part of resilience is learning to identify the good in everything and accept it. All events regardless of the event have good and bad components. At times you just might need to look a little harder.

ForgivenessSuccessful people are well aware that holding on to grudges and resentments hurts them, not the person or the situation they have negative feelings towards.

Ho’oponopono is an ancient technique and tool to learn forgiveness. It has been shown to reduce blood pressure, hypertension, and reduce stress. Read more about ho’oponopono

Gratitude: As important as hope is gratitude. Research shows us how gratitude actually restructures your neurology. Gratitude makes you happier and when things get tough gratitude gives you extra strength to keep going. The result is greater resilience.

As the saying goes, “Every cloud has a silver lining.”

Maintain Perspective: people who are successful at Resilience understand that it’s important to maintain perspective. Avoid blowing events out of proportion. Sometimes doing so makes things more exciting.

If you have this tendency to blow things out of proportion, stop and ask yourself, does blowing things out of proportion help you

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At the moment, a situation or crisis may seem overwhelming, but it may not have a big impact in the long run. Ask yourself In 10 years, who will care?

Hope: Is the 10th key step to success to be resilient. Without hope it’s much more difficult to be resilient. Hope gives you a tool to changes perspective. Hope not only helps you keep your perception for the good, the positive, it helps you refocus on the goal. Hope is a very powerful ingredient to be resilient.

A recent study found that hope is one of the psychological strengths most strongly associated with resilience.

People who are hopeful perceive adversity in a more positive way and take action to manage obstacles. Humour can also help in coping with adversity by providing positive emotions that can buffer against stress.

Identify your strengths: Peter Drucker said, ““Focusing on strengths is development, whereas focusing on weakness is damage control.” He further went on to even state that “to focus on one’s weakness at work is misuse, if not abuse of the person” .

If you want to identify your strengths, ask people who know you well to tell you a time when you were at your best. What made them think you were at your best? Their answers will help you identify your strengths.

 Strengths can help you to be happy and adapt well, such as being optimistic, hopeful, courageous, persistent, humble, forgiving, loving, and having a sense of humour and spirituality. A recent study found that using your strengths in daily life, and being grateful and kind, can help you be well.

Your Environment- Obviously, resilience can be significantly influenced by your environment and the people you hang out with. But ultimately it is your responsibility how you handle adversity and challenge.

Develop strong relationships:If you have strong relationships with others at work, you will be more resistant to stress and more satisfied with your work and home life. The more real friendships you develop, the more resilient you will be, because you will have a strong support network to fall back on. So get help when you need it!

If you're struggling to deal with your emotions, try learning some coping and emotion-regulation strategies

Get a mentor: Hire a life coach or mentor. A coach or mentor job isn’t someone you dump your problems and woes on. A life coach’s job is to push you forward towards your goals and learn strategies to deal with life challenges.

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